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How to Properly Leave a Job

July 15th, 2008 by shawn · 10 Comments

Here’s a post I’ve been thinking of for a while, and I dedicate it to all the people who need a little polishing up…not that I think less of you, but you just need to learn a few things. (And for the rest of you out there, have a good laugh.) There are people in the world who just need a bit of basic instruction.

I give you the guide on…

How to Properly Leave a Job

In everyone’s life (man, woman, and also transgender), there comes a time to leave a job. For some people, this means leaving of their own free will and bravely adventuring on to more challenges that hold greater rewards and hotter chicks. For others, it means they got fired for being a dumbass. But everyone leaves a job at some point. [This short guide will solely speak to the latter category of job-leaver, as they are the ones in need of such a guide.]

Part 1 – What NOT to Do

Don’t throw a tantrum. Don’t get all mad and whiny when you get yourself fired. And don’t throw a tantrum and complain. Don’t demand things from your new ex-boss. Don’t scream foul. Don’t figuratively “throw yourself on the ground” and have a tantrum. Don’t have an actual real tantrum like little Johnny here.

Tantrum after getting fired

No one is impressed.

Don’t get mad at your boss/coworkers/life/God/lunch/the humidity/etc. Realize that you were the one who caused your own self to get fired. Stop blaming other people, dingus. Out of all the people I’ve ever known who complained about getting fired (or even got fired at all), they were people who 1) Had bosses who “didn’t like them” and 2) Get fired from numerous jobs. If you see a resemblance you YOU there, grasp the knowledge that you might have the problem. And you need to change your behavior. (Or, you can continue to be a loser.)

Don’t complain, especially not in public. It used to be that when someone wanted to complain, only those closest to them (or those sitting next to them in the bar) had to hear their garbage. Now, with the advent of blogs, complainers can voice their opinons publicly. Alas, however…people still don’t wanna hear it. (So no one usually reads/comments on their blog.) But the worst thing about complaining in blog format is that next time you attempt to get a job…guess what? You’re bound to look either crazy or look like a whiny-baby when your potential employer Googles your name. Doesn’t matter if you’re right or not: you still look like someone with problems, and are less likely to get hired.

Part 2 – What TO Do

Leave quickly. That’s right, when you get fired just pack up your stuff and leave the premises. Grab your coffee-cup warmer, get your tupperware, grab your goofy hat, and just go. Don’t hang around, don’t argue with the boss, and don’t drag it out. Retain your small amount of dignity and just go.

Dumb Hat

Leave people alone. Leave your company alone. Leave the boss alone. If relations were lukewarm/unfriendly with your coworkers, leave them alone too.  Don’t email them as an excuse to dig back at your boss with snide comments you hope get relayed. Don’t email the company and pretend you’re a customer or a website visitor so you can say “Your site sucks!” or whatever. The whole staff will only make fun of you later, for being a dumbass (an obvious dumbass, at that).

Leave the company alone and find a new one. Focus your attention on getting yourself a new job with a new company. Forget your past – it’s done and over with. You didn’t work out for whatever reason. So deal with it – you messed up. Now get your act together and go somewhere else.

When you get a new job, do what is reasonable. That means, do what they say to do. And don’t do what they say not to do.  (Should be easy, right?) They are paying you to do things for them on their time on their premises, so just do what they say. Don’t try to run your own little side-venture while you’re on their time. Don’t dink around for hours on end when you’re supposed to be accomplishing things for your employer to make them money. Just do your work, and act like employees are supposed to act.

Be nice, and act right. This means you should shower daily so you don’t stink at work, you should speak politely to your co-workers, and you should respect your boss.  In contrast, this means not saying things such as “Duh” to your boss when they tell you something (you think) you already know. It means not taking advantage of the generosity and kindness of your employer. It means not talking down to your co-workers. And it means considering the opinions of everyone and not behaving like a know-it-all.

All the normal people out there know (or have had to interact with) someone who needs these bits of advice. You wonder,  “How will they ever make it in this world?” as you see them act like fools. Well, who knows if they ever will make it. I just hope they follow at least some of my advice. It is their only hope!

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    Comment by vivian
    2008-07-16 20:50:11

    Love it!!

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    Comment by Nadine
    2008-07-18 09:51:04

    “When you get a new job, do what is reasonable.”
    This was THE sentence I thought hours, and hours and hours about…
    Then I found out a way to solve my (work) problems and started a career as a freelancer.
    Your blog has some hints which are really important-thank you.

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    Comment by Bella
    2008-07-18 15:09:31

    Your article was really interesting…
    But the picture you chose with the child is SO amazing-I cant stop laughing hahaaha :-)

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    Comment by "Solution Drew"
    2008-07-24 02:14:24

    I certainly agree that you shouldn’t “burn your bridges” but it’s so fun to throw a tantrum and tell your boss how you really feel.

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    Comment by Chuck
    2008-07-28 19:31:30

    Not everyone gets fired for being a dumbass. Sometimes they get fired for being a smartass. Sometimes they actually get fired because someone feels threatened by them or because someone resents them, irrespective of their skills and the value they add to the company.

    It’s not that easy to get a job these days, and if your former employer made that harder for you, fock ‘em. Of course one should always strive to be decent, kind, and fair to others. At the same time, why should everybody be a suckup? Why should one not complain when there may well be legitimate grounds to do so?

    Also, the fact that someone has been fired from a lot of jobs doesn’t make them a “loser.” It just means that they haven’t found the right job. Or maybe they should be in business for themselves. Not everyone is designed to live like the characters in The Office.

    Your article is not at all helpful to people trying to deal realistically with unemployment. It’s not always their fault, and they may have every right to complain.

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    2008-08-01 17:45:37

    [...] – bookmarked by 4 members originally found by zoblue on July 17, 2008 How to Properly Leave a Job http://diydollars.com/advice-inspiration/how-to-properly-leave-a-job/ – bookmarked by 4 members [...]

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    2008-08-04 13:41:54

    Very helpful. You are right about “Doing computer stuff…” and my wife doesn’t understand.

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    Comment by jijiji
    2008-08-12 01:44:03

    I have not worked for anyone but myself. However, this
    really seems like very good advice. There is really no
    need in creating bad feelings when leaving a job. It
    would not help matters any, that is for sure.

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    Comment by Cash back tom
    2008-09-27 05:47:50

    I found out a way to solve my (work) problems and started a career as a freelancer.

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    2011-09-03 05:55:34

    Very helpful tips for future use :) I just don’t hope I don’t get fired. But who knows. We don’t know what we have in the future. Good job on this article!

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