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Where’s My Money, Nigerian Scammer? or, Timmy Needs a Robot Body

May 25th, 2007 by shawn · 5 Comments

I’ve read a lot about Nigerian 419 scammers, and of course I’ve gotten emails from them ever since I became a world-wide-web denizen of the intarnets. In all the articles and things I’ve heard about those wiley Nigerian scammers, never have I seen them described as total morons. Nor have I seen them ever referred to as imbeciles. Or even dorks. But they are!

These wacky emailing fools from Nigeria are total idiots. I just wanted to be the first to say it: Nigerian scammers are morons.

“But wait!” you say, “isn’t it common knowledge that the Nigerian ’419′ scam, or variations thereof, account for millions of dollars annually of money that is bilked from unsuspecting victims?” Yes, it’s true – these guys scam millions from people. “Well Shawn, that goes to show that the only idiots are the victims!”

But that’s where you’re wrong! My opinion is that the victims are indeed idiots – but so are the scammers. The victims just so happen to be more dense than the scammers, who are indeed morons.

Let me illustrate. Following (below) is an actual email exchange between me and one of these scammers. It’s a bit long, but hopefully you’ll be entertained by the guy’s naivete.


To: shawn*****@*******.com
Date: Fri, 11 May 2007 23:43:27 -0500


This is to inform you that you have been selected for a cash prize of £850,000.00 (Eight hundred and fifty thousand Great British Pounds) from the BMW e-LOTTERY BONANZA International programs held on Saturday the 5th of May 2007, in London United Kingdom.

The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection system(ess) from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world which you were selected.

The BMW e-Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board and also Licensed by the The International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This promotional lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public.

To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact our fiduciary claims department for more information as regards procedures to claim your prize.

Mr.Clerk desmomd
Email: bmw.clerkdesmond@gmail.com
Telephone: 44-7045700995

Contact him by providing him with your secret pin code X7PYWM2007 and your Reference Number BMW:2551256003/23.You are also advised to provide him with the under listed information’s as soon as possible:

1.Name in full.—————————————————————————
*Monthly salary—————————————————-
6.Telephone Number.—————————————————
7.Present Country.———————————————–
8.Short comment on our products. [optional]. – —————————————————
9.Fax [optional].————————————————
10.Email address. ——————————————–

Please you are to provide him with the above listed details as soon as possible so he can begin with the processing of your prize winnings.
Congratulations again from all our staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program.

Date: Sat, 12 May 2007 08:13:27 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: I am happy to hav finally WON!!!
To: bmw.clerkdesmond@gmail.com

Dearest Mr. Clerk Desmond:

Hi Clerk (are you a clerk named Clerk?? haha) I am SO happy now – I just got an email from the Director of Promotions at your company saying I am the winner!!

You simply don’t understand what this will do to help us. My family is very much in need of the money, mostly to pay for new prosthetics for my adopted son, Timmy. (He has all the fake body parts he needs, but they just aren’t doing the job.)

I don’t know how much British pounds are in American dollars, but I’m sure it will be enough to pay for Timmy’s needs.

I have secret pin code X7PYWM2007 and Reference Number BMW:2551256003/23.

1.Name in full. Shawn Mike Joe Ralph Pleppenschmidt

2.Address. 420 Grass Lane, Honallee, OG 89802 USA

3.Nationality. American

4.Age. 29

5.Occupation. Storm Shutter Repair Specialist (II)
*Monthly salary – $198.74 (in cash) per week

6.Telephone – Number. (I cannot afford a phone.)

7.Present Country. At present? The U.S.A.

8.Short comment on our products. [optional]. Great cars! I think the BMW is the optimal car of choice for picking up women. I’m considering buying one as soon as I get my prize money!!

9.Fax [optional]. (I can’t afford a fax.)

10.Email address. shawn*****@*********.com

Thanks again clerk Clerk! I can’t wait for my prize money!! Just tell me when you will be sending it.

Thank you!!

Date: Sat, 12 May 2007 13:35:11 -0700
To: shawn*****@********.com

ATTENTION :Shawn Mike Joe Ralph Pleppenschmidt

Congratulations, We hereby inform you that your award winning notification is true and legitimate as we have processed your payment and your cheque is ready for disbursement, along with your winnings certificate. In this regard you are to choose from the options below the one that best suites you on how you wish to receive your funds, also your funds deposited with us is not in liquid form but in Bank Cheque, this advice complies with the Anti-Fraud section 2,sub section (iv) of the procedural manual of the funds disbursement agreement existing between courier companies and the British Government.

Your Email was randomly collected using microsoft softwares, for your privacy agreement with microsoft, they refuse to disclose your identity refering this promotion to contact you directly for details if you wish to make claims to your winnings.

1. Travel in person to collect your funds at our payment centers . You will be required to present a valid International Passport as proof of Identification.

2.Telegraphic bank wire transfer.BANK ACTIVATION OPTION: Requires you activating an account with our Bank where your funds will be deposited and then transferred to you.

3. Have our affiliate courier company send the cheque to you. In consonance with our policy in this regard, be advised that if your option for the cheque to be couriered BMW GROUP LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL , exempts itself from all liability related to this service. The cost of this service would be borne by you:

We expect that you will notify us of your choice upon receipt of this message so that appropriate arrangement can be put in place.

Mr.Clerk Desmond

Date: Sat, 12 May 2007 22:15:50 -0700 (PDT)


Hi Mr. Clerk:

It’s really great to hear from you again! How is London??

Oh man we are so excited to finally have money for Timmy’s new prosthetics. I told my wife (who is deaf; I used sign language) and my blind dad (he’s been losing his health ever since mom fell down the well) and they both were so excited because they knew that it could mean a new lease on life for Timmy. He will finally look like a normal boy! (He tells me he can’t wait to become a “real boy” – isn’t that cute? He must’ve gotten that from Pinocchio.)

Since he has basically no arms, legs, or most of his body – we use a burlap sack filled with leaves. He cries and cries sometimes because a real prosthetic body costs $87,000 which we just don’t have. He says “Paw-paw, when will I get to run?” and I say, “When we can buy you a robot body, Timmy.”

Of course they haven’t invented robot bodies like that yet, so a brand-new prosthetic body will have to do until then. Thanks to you Mr. Clerk, we can almost provide him his dream!!

So do they come deliver the check to my trailer, or is there a way I can pick it up at the post office in town?? We can’t afford phone service or I would give you my number.

Just let me know exactly when it’s coming so I can make sure and be a

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    Comment by Lisa
    2007-05-26 03:51:24

    That’s hilarious. Only when we start wasting their time will they get tired of scamming people.

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    Comment by Rosie
    2007-05-27 17:16:02

    I saw this on http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com-
    Nigerian Internet scams were thought for years to be so transparently fraudulent that they would work only on the very gullible, who would send thousands of dollars overseas in the naive expectation of receiving millions in return. However, it was also too good to pass up for a professional money manager, the longtime treasurer of Alcona County, Mich., Thomas Katona, who admitted in court in January 2007 that he had lost $1.25 million of taxpayer money, plus his own life’s savings, in a Nigerian scam. [Detroit Free Press, 1-18-07]

    (Comments wont nest below this level)
    2007-05-29 23:52:39

    I did receive those emails once, thanks God I’m not an idiot LOL

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    Comment by MAC
    2008-03-06 07:40:30

    i also recieved those email, i was shocked at the 1st place n replied those email, but they keep spamming my inbox with it =.=. But i am not that idiot to sent them the cash n my identification to get $ 1M :P

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    Trackback by burlap sacks
    2011-10-03 09:12:48

    burlap pillows…

    [...]Where’s My Money, Nigerian Scammer? or, Timmy Needs a Robot Body[...]…

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